Congratulations to the Varsity Theater for winning the award for America’s Best Restroom. Here are a few suggestions as to other local music venues that deserve to have their restrooms recognized.
Best Restroom View: First Avenue. On your way to the sinks, take a look outside to see whether the Timberwolves game is out yet.
Most Awkward Restroom Exit: Turf Club. Hi, everybody! Don’t mind me, just walking right past the stage on my way out of the biffy here.
Best Restroom to Find Someone Eating a Roast Beef Sandwich: Xcel Energy Center.
Most Improved Restroom: 7th Street Entry. The Entry’s recent addition of a brand-new ladies’ room has transformed the going-out experience for the Twin Cities’ female music-lovers.
Most Gratuitous Extra Restroom Space: Kitty Cat Klub. You just have to assume that there are three or four couples making out somewhere in the KCK basement on any given night.
Best Restroom to Find Someone Who’s Juuussssst Remembered He’s Barefoot: Rock the Garden.
Best Restroom Privacy: Walker Art Center’s McGuire Theater. The only venue in town to offer a completely sealed environment in each stall: the doors go floor to ceiling, jamb to jamb.
Coldest Restroom Urinal Trough: Nomad World Pub. Typically full of ice, which presumably serves a sanitary function as well as offering a welcome element of amusement to the urinating experience.
Best Restroom Blacklight: 331 Club. Odds are you’ll take a selfie that you’ll forget until you go to check your Instagram likes the next morning.
Restroom Most Likely To Be Flat-Out Ignored: Cabooze Outdoor Plaza.